JulieLeung.com: a life told in tidepools

No I’m not talking about the composers of Silent Night, Away in a Manger or Jingle Bells, who are remembered each December through their creations. I’m talking about George Michael, Wham! and Last Christmas (wow, it has its own Wikipedia entry) which , in an ironic and oxymoronic sense, has never seemed to have a last Christmas.

This year the girls and I made a rare excursion to a large mall in the Seattle suburbs, the same mall where I once sold Orange Julius drinks for my first job, when lo and behold I heard the same Christmas music playing from twenty years ago. Now this mall currently prides itself on having a family-friendly holiday show at 6:45 each night between Thanksgiving and Christmas that will “brighten your spirits and fill your heart with holiday cheer” (I can’t count how many times the girls and I were asked if we were going to see the show), yet while we were waiting for the entertainment to begin, George Michael, someone whose behavior in recent years would probably not qualify as “family-friendly” or “spirit brightening” started bemoaning the woes of Christmas past. “Holiday cheer”? I do believe in the recycling of paper, plastic and glass but this recycling of old pop songs and old pop stars each December can become a bit stale. Especially with said song has the substance of twenty year old bubble gum.

Until I typed “Last christmas” into Google, I had no idea how many were devoted to this song. This year, someone took the time to track down and blog 191 versions of the Wham hit and write an analysis usually reserved for English class and Shakespeare. Here’s a snippet.

So in other words, he was presenting the object of his affection with some sort of sign or placard that said “Happy Christmas,” and as part of the gift-packaging, included a note that said, “I love you.” A note? He didn’t take the time to compose anything more substantial than a note?

I suppose I don’t mind Irving Berlin again and again, but George Michael? Oh when will Last Christmas have its last Christmas?

The surest way to immortality, I muttered to myself while standing outside the mall in this Seattle suburb one cold evening, is to record or perform Christmas music. Then every December, you are remembered.

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Shaun Groves posted a song he wrote for the Backstreet Boys Christmas album years ago, Christmas Without You. The album was never recorded but he still has the demo. It’s a fun listen and a fun story. Perhaps if it had been recorded it would have come and gone or maybe it would have hit the jackpot and been recycled each season. As a fan, I hope someday Shaun receives the immortality of a Christmas music hit, that it will be more than a might-have-been amusement, but I also know that he is already focussed on what lasts longer than recycled-bubble-gum-songs.

After losing someone you love, December is difficult. I have a hard time explaining that my calendar is busy during the holiday season, not because of celebrations but because my family often takes time to remember my brother who passed away seven years ago. Death changes December. The culture is caught up in getting stuff while you are living loss. How can it be happy holidays when you are hurting? How can you celebrate traditions when nothing is the same? And what do you say to someone who is grievng this season?

Dear Elena has been filled with wisdom this month. I particularly appreciated Santa’s gift which was also a gift to me. Thank you.

He didn’t say the usual meaningless things. He put his hand on my arm and looked me in the eye and said, “people will tell you that they know what you’re going through. They don’t. They can’t.”

It was surprisingly reassuring to hear this said out loud.

“No one knows but you and Kim.”

I thanked him. It’s true. I don’t really feel the depth of your loss. I can’t. I think I know what it feels like, but I don’t.

Andru Edwards lost his father. His tribute The Loss of a Hero: Goodbye Dad inspires me to be a better parent and person. Thank you, Andru, for sharing your story, words and pictures that speak depths. George Budabin and his wife gave an amazing and healing love. Hugs to Andru, Monica and Alijah.

Christmas took a back seat this December to other excitement. That’s okay. It’s not a sacred day, and it’s hard to compete with a visit from a favorite uncle, an amazing wedding and a record power outage, the three weekends prior to the holiday. So my reflections this year are simple and short.

Speaking of Christmas songs, I associate Happy Birthday Jesus (performed by Brooklyn Tabernacle children’s choir), with the first person I heard sing it, one of Ted’s cousins’s kids. At that holiday season, S. must have been about five years old as she sang the solo in her church. Newlyweds, Ted and I went with his parents to see her perform.

It seems like yesterday but it must have been quite a few years ago. For now this cousin, S., is in college. A card came this year with a picture of her with her boyfriend at school. Remembering the little girl I saw singing, I feel old.

Each holiday season, the cards come with pictures, and I realize my mind is frozen in time. Babies are now in high school. Little kids are now in college. People who were parents when I was a kid are now grandparents. A few times over. And some of us young’uns even have gray hair.

This season I was struck by the juxtaposition in the celebrations here in our American holiday. Christmas is Jesus’ birthday or so we say. Our family makes him a cake. This year was Abigail’s turn and due to a busy weekend, it was a simple dessert with MnM decoration.

Yet as we wish Jesus a happy birthday, we are all getting older, marking time with another Christmas, and soon the new year. The kids that once were babies now decorate cakes. And sadly, some are losing loved ones, as we did years ago when my brother died during the holidays.

We mark our mortality, sending photos and cards, documenting the passage of time. All while we are celebrating the birth of someone Immortal.

Here is what I wish I could give you for 2007: good health for you and your computer! I didn’t realize how much I took for granted until 2006. This year I went to the doctor more than I wanted to go. Of course, who wants to go to the doctor? I am fine now but it was a good reminder of my own mortality. I realized how I take my own health for granted. The older I get, the more precious it is. Life is a gift. A bad head cold Christmas week reminded me again. If I can breathe, I will be grateful.

This year was also remarkable for laptop troubles. I don’t want to mention this again but I can’t deny its impact. It took months to recover from the emotional and physical damage done by the theft. Now I only think of it whenever I consider taking my laptop out of the house: how will I avoid locking it in the car again? Cleaning the bulletin board on my desk this past week, I took down this sticker the police gave us. Closing that chapter. For Christmas I gave the girls a copy of Schoolhouse Rock, one of the last things in my stolen laptop bag that I had not yet replaced.

Even after my new MacBook arrived at the house in May, it has not been a smooth path. First I had to send it back in October for Random Shutdown. I was impressed though by the speed of the repair.

Then after the power outage in December, my laptop no longer recognized the battery. AppleCare told me to borrow another battery from someone or take it to the store to test and determine whether the battery or the computer had the problem. Before I was able to follow their advice, my laptop started shutting down randomly again, so AppleCare sent me a new battery last week.

I’m sorry to hear Patrick Scoble is having problems with his new machine. This year I realized you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone, even if that is something as simple as a reliable computer. Life can be aggravating and frustrating without it.

Be grateful for what I have. Accept what comes with grace. Help others who are in need. Those are attitudes I want to take from 2006 into 2007.

Postscript: My apologies for the number of posts today: both my computer and I are finally healthy this holiday season so I am making up for lost time…

I’ve been tagged, once, twice, now three times (thanks, Nancy, Jory and Betsy!), so I should fulfill my duty with this meme. Responses often seem to be in either the category of hidden talents from childhood or strange trivia. It is as revealing and intriguing to read various disclosures as it is to see how each blogger responds. Susan Mernit posts a compilation of snippets, a tiny aggregator of responses, outlining her favorites. danah boyd comments on the 5 things phenomenon, offering analysis from her perspective on MySpace, generations and social media. And Kathy Sierra makes it interactive and turns it two-way, engaging the reader, as always.

Then there is Hugh Macleod.

And me? Well, I confess I’ve turned the meme into a way to publish a couple posts that have been bouncing around in the brain. Sorry for the length but there are three short ones at the end.

Inspired in part by Susan Mernit’s compilation and Donny Osmond’s appearance on tv last night (Christmas Eve), I decided to do five things in a pop culture theme. I don’t often write about tv, movies, or music so here are five little windows on my life, starting with Christmas time and Donny Osmond almost thirty years ago and going with whatever comes to mind from there…

1. On my Christmas list when I was seven or eight, I requested a set of Donny and Marie Osmond dolls (looks like I could still buy some on eBay, even in the original boxes). I remembered this clearly last night while my in-laws were watching an Andy Williams Christmas show reprise and suddenly Donny Osmond appeared on the screen, yet again. Santa was good to me that year and I got Donny and Marie, along with Donnie’s purple socks, Marie’s layered dress and microphones. I never asked for a Barbie doll and I never owned a Barbie. But for some reason nearly thirty years ago I wanted Donnie and Marie. (wish I still had those dolls – then I could turn them into My First xxxxx !)

2. I like the X-Men movies. I didn’t know this about myself until earlier this month. Ted, the girls and I share a Netflix account, each of us selecting one DVD. Watching each other’s movies is often an act of love. At least it is for me with Ted’s choices. I confess I fell asleep during Tron. And please don’t mention Mission Impossible 2 which inoculated us against any more John Woo movies. One of Ted’s films we even stopped and sent back without viewing further (and yeah, I make some bad choices too). But the X-Men series I enjoyed. I haven’t liked the Batman movies and I’ve never been a fan of comics or superheroes in general. What is it about X-Men? Perhaps it is the emphasis on molecular biology – “mutations” – my field of study. After growing up with the label “gifted”, I like the way the X-Men twist that idea. I also appreciate the way each person has a different mutation/gift, coming together in community, even creating a spiritual analogy, I believe. I actually know someone who is working with Ralph Winter on a project so that is exciting, to be two degrees of separation away from the X-Men Producer.

3. Duran Duran’s Save a Prayer and Spandau Ballet’s True remind me of my friend M. She was in my circle of friends in high school. The last time I saw her she was walking across campus, going home from school early with a headache. She died that weekend from a brain tumor. Cleaning up my room months later I found a thank you note that I had never sent her. M’s aunt, who came to speak at her service, is an actress and whenever I see this actress I think of M. Her favorite songs were also played at her service, associated forever for me with her. It is poignant, haunting and strange to watch both those videos on YouTube now and listen to the lyrics twenty years later. I’m not sure I saw the videos back then (I wasn’t allowed to watch MTV). Now as an adult and mom I think about her parents and hope they are well. I also have written plans for my favorite music to be shared whenever I am gone.

4. I spent my 18th birthday going with friends to see Wim Wenders’ Wings of Desire. I rented it last winter and drafted a post about it but the words disappeared with my previous laptop. I’m not as crazy about it as I once was but I think it is still a powerful and beautiful poetic film. At 15, I was blessed to visit Berlin when the Wall was still dividing the country in two and as a student of German and of German heritage, I was partial to this Himmel uber Berlin (its original title in German). Back then and even now I have wanted to be one of the black and white angels who could hear others’ thoughts and comfort them.

5. I love short stories and my favorite authors include James Joyce, Raymond Carver, Robert Olen Butler and Barbara Kingsolver, worn paperback books from high school and college days on shelves above my desk. When I was younger I hoped to publish a book of short stories in my teenage years, by age 16. Then I hoped to do it by my early thirties. Maybe I can write a book before I hit 3 x 16. I have had one story published in an arts journal (and a number of encouraging comments from editors), but I confess the book goal seems far away. Then again I am still young enough to dream and hope. And write.

Update:

3 more quick pop-culture items I remembered after writing this post.

1. My parents tell me at age two I loved singing Carly Simon’s You’re So Dane, thinking that the song was about me (I had no idea there was an entire Wikipedia entry and a page of Carly Simon’s site devoted to the mystery).

2. As a child my favorite TV show was In Search Of. I loved the mystery and investigation even if it was a little hoaxy.

3. I think I watched one episode of Miami Vice, in its heyday, and I still remember the plot. I remembered this the other day as the girls were retelling an episode of something on Animal Planet (while at their grandparents’) that sounded similar…

Time to tag:

Robert Scoble thinks this meme should die, and Hugh MacLeod tried to kill it. Maybe it should. After all as Hugh points out, and some responses, there are five things we don’t want to know about each other. But I wouldn’t want anyone to miss the opportunity to join in if they would like…

I have tried to keep up with blogs but it’s possible I’ve missed someone who has already done their 5 things.

Friends Katherine, Jenny, Nancy Folsom, Nickie, Jay, Jen Zug (and Bryan?)

How about some couples too, since blogging couples is one of my specialties…let’s see:

Chris and Ponzi (except they are on their honeymoon and have good excuse not to respond)

Derek and Air

Anita and Jack

kk+ and kdon

Joey and Wendy

Happy New Year to all!