JulieLeung.com: a life told in tidepools

I wrote a post before Chris and Ponzi’s wedding,; now for a few comments afterwards…

The exception to the rule

I have spoken and written extensively and publicly on my privacy policy for my children. In most situations Ted and I do not allow pictures of their faces to be posted on the Internet. We have even hung large signs on our daughters to remind others. However, when Ted and I considered Chris and Ponzi’s wedding, we realized that the “No Photos Please” signs and black Sharpie marker wouldn’t go well with the beaded and embroidered ivory gowns. So we decided that one gift our family would give Chris and Ponzi would be to allow our daughters faces and all to appear in posted pictures.

Many thanks to those of you who asked us for permission before posting. The wedding of Chris and Ponzi is the one exception to the rule, and we will continue to ask for their privacy in future situations. Kris Krug was one of those who asked us whether he could post some shots he had taken, and I have to say this picture makes me glad we told him yes.

The flower girl named Bob…and the “cool as a cucumber” groom

While we were waiting to take pictures at the hotel, I caught Chris the groom on video with our three flower girl daughters. This may only make sense to those who are familiar with Veggie Tales that features a cucumber named Larry…and a tomato named Bob…or with four-year-olds who “want to be funny”.

Recommendations

I want to give credit – and links – where credit is due. Tracy Gail, the seamstress who altered our four dresses, came to the rescue. Due to weather and other reasons, I tried on my bridesmaid dress only a few days before the wedding. It was too loose in some places, too tight in others, and I immediately began calculating how I could lose ten pounds in three days, even making an emergency trip to Macy’s in hopes of finding miracles in the intimates department. Friday afternoon though when I picked up the dress, I was amazed at Tracy’s work. She also did the girls’ dresses, and even thought of a way to save us some money on the alterations. I’d recommend her again any time.

The stylists Ponzi brought from Gary Manuel were also amazing. The pictures speak for themselves: I don’t think I need to say more. All of Chris and Ponzi’s choices were wonderful. The Hyatt had great places for photography. And the rehearsal dinner at Ruth Chris was delicious. The waiters even brought Ted special side dishes. Hope these recommendations are helpful to others planning special occasions in the Bellevue area.

The Canadians came

Someone – I don’t remember who – mentioned to me the “strong Canadian presence” at the wedding, as if surprised. I wasn’t surprised; after all I first met Chris and Ponzi at Northern Voice in 2005. One of the top reasons to live in Seattle should be because it is close to Vancouver.

It was fun to see many of our Canadian friends in a relaxed atmosphere. I realized that often during the limited times we are together, on one side of the border or the other, some of us have conference responsibilities, speaking duties or other obligations. It was great to be together celebrating the Pirillos and enjoying each other’s company. And when we came home and counted up the little loot from the prosperity dance (more on that below), the Canadian presence was evident.

Finally, I can’t resist writing up…

10 tips: if your young children are in a wedding

1. Get lots of rest the week before and if possible explain as much in advance to the kids so they know what to expect (watch videos of weddings?)

2. Try on outfits completely before the wedding. Pack extra tights/socks/underwear/shoes. Safety pins and or needles and thread can be helpful in an emergency (I wish I had packed some of each). And of course pocket tissues and/or wipes.

3. Pack new little toys, games, books and trinkets for amusement while waiting for photos etc. Items that can be packed up quickly and easily, like a book, are best.

4. Pack “non-messy” snacks such as chewy non-chocolate granola bars.

5. Bring a bag or large purse to keep track of toys, snacks, etc.

6. Convince the bride and groom that they are Italian so they will do the prosperity change dance and ask guests to toss money on the floor for the kids to collect (and start saving for their own wedding)(okay, just kidding). It is nice if there is something the kids can do at the wedding, like a table with crayons or puzzles…or money to collect! Make new friends with other little guests. I know our girls did.

7. Clothespins and napkins can be used to make a great bib and protect wedding outfits.

8. If you want to get a family picture, be sure to remember, write it down, ask someone in advance etc (we forgot to get one of all five of us!) Or if there is anything else you need to remember at the wedding, plan ahead how to remember.

9. Change clothes for the ride home: an outfit that can serve as pajamas works well (pack the child’s toothbrush if you can too).

10. Plan a day or two of rest afterwards for unpacking clothes and memories.

If I had 11 tips, the most important one would be to have a bride and groom as generous and understanding as Chris and Ponzi were, and to have the friends and family they had too. Many thanks to the bride and groom and to everyone who made that special day possible.

The four bags of trash and recyclables on the kitchen floor, wet empty jars clinking against each other as they settle, testify that I have recently finished the requisite cleaning of the refrigerator, the ritual that follows every lengthy power outage. Thursday night we lost electricity before 11 pm and it didn’t return until after 8 tonight, more than 45 hours later. By this afternoon we were getting weary although it was unclear when our normal life would return.

I had established a routine for the days. The mornings I spent working on Christmas projects (as I had planned to do these past two days anyway) while we had light in the house. After lunch, I started cleaning, clearing the floor, planning meals for the next 24 hours by examining the collection of canned goods, and generally preparing for the coming 16 hours of darkness, ending with a run to the trash can and mailbox at sunset.

To my surprise, there were a few aspects of the outage that I liked. I liked the challenge of making meals from the food we had in the house using the gas range. One of my favorite movies is Apollo 13 and I love the innovation that comes with limitations. I confess I am a bit proud of my accomplishments. Last night we had spaghetti, an easy choice. Tonight though we had stir fry made with fresh vegetables (I opened the fridge after 24 hours) and canned chicken. After 15 years of making rice with a cooker, I made it in a pot, and didn’t even burn it. Craving Christmas cookies but lacking an oven, I melted peanut butter and then stirred in some corn syrup, lots of oatmeal and a few Christmas MnMs.

I liked hanging out with my husband in front of the fireplace, listening to the radio. This was the first time we had used our Eton FR-300 and the crank-powered radio and light worked well. We also had two small crank-powered flashlights that were useful too. The radio station, KOMO AM 1000, encouraged callers to share their observations, needs and solutions with each other, everything from where to find gas stations and firewood to how to keep tropical fish alive. It reminded me of blogging – “very low-bandwidth blogging” Ted said.

Tonight after dinner we had fun playing the card game Uno together as a family. Although we’ve had the game for a while, I think this is the first time we had played all five of us. Even Elisabeth can figure out some colors and numbers. There were some tears and lots of laughter too. We had intended to go camping this year but never did it. Tonight though, playing cards by the light of fire and hand-cranked radio seemed a good substitute, a mini-family-vacation in our own living room.

I relished the quiet time. I savored the simplicity. In the hours of darkness between sunset and sleep, I had time to think, time I haven’t had in months. It was refreshing and restful. I have ideas I hope to share soon.

My favorite memory happened on Friday. That night our daughters’ piano teacher decided to go ahead with the planned evening recital. We showed up at her studio to find a table of candles illuminating the space. Two oil lanterns helped light the piano music as well as a Coleman camping lantern brought by one of the families. No CD accompaniments or printed programs but a great sense of adventure and community in the little room. Listening to the students play their pieces by lantern and candlelight was enchanting. I had thought I would remember it because it was Michaela’s, my middle daughter’s, first recital, but now I am sure we will remember the simplicity – and novelty! – of listening to Chopin and carols on a dark winter night. We came together around the piano, around Claire, our teacher, around our children and island. There was the sense of doing something new and also the sense of something old, living as musicians and their families did in other centuries and continents, enjoying piano music by candlelight.

Tomorrow Chris Pirillo and Ponzi Indharasophang will be getting married, an event Robert Scoble has called the geek wedding of the decade. Randy Charles Morin referred to this union as the second great blogosphere wedding (he says first was Joey and Wendy but I thought this one might also count). I’m not knowledgeable enough on geek or blogger weddings to make a similar declaration but I can say that it will be a wedding we Leungs will always remember.

Ted, the girls and I are honored that Chris and Ponzi asked our family to participate in their special day. It is a fun and solemn occasion, a day flowing with beautiful physical details from dresses to presents that celebrate and represent a union of body, soul and household. Next month marks our fifteen year anniversary: Ted and I are big believers in marriage.

I’m not giving away any details by posting the picture above, a picture of a dress that is not in the wedding. As Dave Winer knows, shopping with Ponzi is a blast. She and Chris have been especially generous and thoughtful towards our family. What fun it has been! We are grateful and we are glad they will be staying in the area so we can spend more time together (and do more shopping?!)

If you will be in town for the wedding, it will be great to see you. We will be hanging at the hotel for a little while before the ceremony. Or please try to find us at the reception if we don’t find you.

If you won’t be able to be at the wedding, it will still be possible to share in the excitement. Chris has said he will be posting the video online (no pressure, eh?) and I’ve heard there may be a number of photographers present (and probably many pictures posted on blogs and/or Flickr this weekend – but which tag?).

Between preparing for the Ponzi-Pirillo celebration, anticipating our own big anniversary, and yes, even ironing out a few bumps in our relationship this week, I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding and marriage in general. Marriage is dynamic and amazing. Ted and I are always changing and growing as individuals and as a couple. There’s always something new and different, something deeper, something thrilling and something familiar. There are constants and foundations to our relationship along with new challenges and ways to love each other, highs and lows, unseen sharp turns in the road and sweet easy seasons of romance. We thank God for being the glue between us and giving us a love beyond ourselves, flexible and strong, forgiving, spiritual uniting physical, emotions and intellect, sustaining our family.

I have to finish this soon to attend to some of the details for tomorrow. Whether or not this is the geek wedding of the decade, it will certainly be a party to remember. We are looking forward to hanging out with Robert and Maryam (so sorry I missed the party although I blush far too easily), Liz and Lane, Derek and Air, all the Divas, and everyone who will be celebrating with us.

Chris and Ponzi, may all your dreams and desires come true. May you be blessed with love that gives you laughter, giggles and fun, love that sustains and refreshes you, giving freedom and forgiveness, a love that is as beautiful and lavish as all your wedding preparations, a love that is the treasure of your lifetime.

When Ted and I moved to Bainbridge Island from San Jose, seven years ago, one of the first things we did was get rid of our California license plates. I grew up in the Seattle area in the 1980s and I remember the tension that existed between transplants and natives. After all, the Californians moving north had made the housing prices jump into the stratosphere, and they also competed for limited jobs, or so the reputation was. A television commercial for local potato chips both mocked and emphasized this fear of foreigners: in the ad, shoppers had to prove their native status with a Washington drivers license before being allowed to buy the prized potato chips (and yes, I think one shopper had a California license as part of the joke…). Being a Seattle native was cool; being a Californian transplant was not. I was almost ashamed to become Californian, years later, when my husband and I moved to Silicon Valley.

Even when Ted and I arrived on the island in 2000, I still sensed a strong native pride. Many have lived here for generations, and are distressed by the development and changes (just as those in Silicon Valley were also protesting). As a new resident of Bainbridge, and as someone who bought a new house, thereby condoning such development and destruction, I felt guilty. I wished I had a heritage here, like my friends who had grown up on the island or lived in their grandmother’s home. Although we moved from San Jose, I often tried to emphasize my local family and upbringing, as if my Seattle pedigree would somehow make us easily-identified Leungs seem less like invaders, make us more invisible.

So I was surprised to see this poster a few blocks from the ferry terminal, advertising a party for Californians who have moved to Bainbridge Island. And I confess I was surprised to see that the poster remained, without someone taking it down or commenting on it. I suppose it is a sign of the times. There are now so many who have moved here, so many transplants, that the natives are a minority. And it seems there is no longer any shame in being a Californian.

The poster makes an important point about island life:

Think about this: of every possible place in America to move to, we all chose this island. So we must have similar dreams and desires.

When Ted and I lived in Silicon Valley, whenever you met someone for the first time, the question was “Who do you work for?” Soon the conversation centered around various acronyms or names associated with stock market charts. It was evident that one’s identity was work, that the culture was corporate.

However, it is true that people must choose to live on Bainbridge Island. It is a deliberate decision that comes with its own set of disadvantages and benefits. Here whenever we meet someone for the first time, the question is “Why did you choose to live on Bainbridge?” Soon we are digging into deeper issues and personal values, such as education and family, lifestyle and environment. It is unique to be a part of a community where everyone has made a choice to embrace a ferry-dependent small-town island lifestyle.

And so yes, we must have similar dreams and desires. At least if we perceive this island with similar eyes or had similar motivations for moving here. It’s quite possible the Californian transplants would have many things in common and it could be a good party indeed. I like the fact too that the poster promises a pledge to be good stewards of our new island home.

Isn’t this America, in a sense a mini-America? We all come with dreams and desires to these shores. We’re not natives, but we promise to take care of our new home. And so we become Bainbridge Islanders. Even Californians. Because we are Americans.

Northern Voice is back for a third time! Registration is open now for this fun Canadian blogging conference, scheduled for February 23 and 24 at UBC in Vancouver. This Friday December 1 (tomorrow!) is the final day for speaker submissions.

Of course I’m a big fan of Northern Voice. Ted and I have attended the first two, and I was honored to speak at both. Sharing my ideas with others, and the discussions, stories and feedback that followed, has been exciting and rewarding. I can still remember giving each presentation. It’s been fun watching the conference grow, watching relationships grow, and watching other bloggers and myself grow and change during the past two years. More than once I’ve seen a theme debut at Northern Voice session and then be featured at another conference later that year. I’m grateful I was selected as a speaker twice: I encourage anyone who is interested to submit a proposal and do it soon!

My whole family loves Northern Voice. As Boris Mann wrote, this IS your mother’s conference, and I’ll say it is your kid’s conference too. Hey, it’s your whole family’s conference. Bring ’em all! Back in ’05 I was impressed by the parents, mothers and fathers of bloggers, who accompanied their (grown) children. Last year the kids room was a thoughtful addition, an idea that was put to good use during the day as parents took turns attending sessions.

Why do I love Northern Voice? I think it comes down to three factors.

Passion (and Creativity)

The people behind Northern Voice believe in blogging. And the people who come are crazy about blogging too. It’s a volunteer effort, a labor of love, everyone bringing excitement and giving of themselves to the group, pouring out their creativity and strengths to share. Photo Camp and Video Camp – already being planned for Friday’s Moose Camp – illustrate this vividly (Ted and I both enjoyed last year’s Photo Camp). And what else does a purple logo of a moose with an iPod represent if not passion and creativity?

Inclusion

Between the Moose Camp unconference on Friday and the Saturday sessions, there are plenty of opportunities for plenty of perspectives, many Northern Voices, one might say. The low cost, the presence of family units, and the surveys reveal this value. The organizers are open to new ideas and doing things differently. They want to include a diversity in everything from gender to generations, from Second Lifers to knitters. Hey, they even include Americans and unexperienced speakers!

Passion + Inclusion = Community

When I think about going to Northern Voice, I think about the community. I think about sharing secrets over sushi lunches and hanging out in the hallways. I think about discussions, dialogues that happen during the sessions, and quieter one-on-one conversations in corners. I think about some of my favorite bloggers, some of the people who inspired me most, who all happen to be together in one room in Vancouver on a Saturday in February.

I hope to be there at Northern Voice 2007 and I hope to see you there too!